A Child’s First Phone is a Privilege–Not a Right!

Keep reading to learn more about:

• Setting smartphone boundaries for your child to ensure their safety and well-being

• Creating a family smartphone agreement

• How to craft a letter that tells your child why you must have phone rules

• 14 guidelines that will help keep your child safe

• The importance of parents claiming phone ownership rather than the child
  

The truth is, no parent knows what will happen after handing their child a first phone. It’s likely you know your child as well as you know yourself—perhaps better. But a smartphone is a powerful tool unlike anything your child has “owned” before. 

That’s why it’s important to set some ground rules before they get their first phone. Many experts recommend creating a “Family Smartphone Agreement.” This can be a powerful tool to help guide you and your child through this process. In fact, we shared a free resource for parents to download that includes such an agreement. You can find more information in our blog post, “How Do You Take Away A Kid’s Phone.”

But depending on your unique relationship with your child, such a formal contact might feel off. In an enlightening article, Chris McKenna of Protect Young Eyes suggests a softer approach. Instead of an agreement, give your child a heartfelt letter that expresses your concerns with them having a phone. 

The sample letter includes 14 sensible guidelines that can help you and your child navigate this new situation. The thing that makes this letter so effective is the transparency and emotion at the heart of it.

Click here to read Chris’s full article: “A Mom’s Brilliant Smartphone Letter.”

All 14 guidelines are, as Chris says, “Brilliant,” but a few really stand out because they are similar to advice shared by Dr. Kathy Koch in her interview with Wisephone founder, Chris Kaspar. Like Chris McKenna, Dr. Kathy is a thought leader in the healthy technology space through her organization, Celebrate Kids.

The two pieces of advice shared by both Chris McKenna and Dr. Kathy are for parents to lead the conversation with love and make it clear who actually owns the phone. 

Lead with Love 

It’s important for your child to know that the phone comes with guidelines because their safety is the most important thing to you. A phone can be a helpful tool, but it can also be dangerous. You want to arm your kid with knowledge as well as some restrictions so they can be safe.

And, if it turns out giving your child a phone was a mistake, you want them to know that you are taking the phone away for their protection. In the interview, Dr. Kathy gives detailed advice on how to take back the phone in a way that puts love at the forefront.

“It’s not being their friend that should matter the most to you. It’s parenting strong for their quality of life, and that they will live on purpose with joy.”

Watch the Video 

Parents Own the Phone—Not the Kid

The phone belongs to you, not your child. You are simply letting them use it. This means you can take it back at any time. Again, this is for their safety and protection. This also drives home the point that the phone is a privilege and not a right. They need to show you they are responsible enough to have one. 

Dr. Kathy says: “First of all, when you give your kid a phone, it is your phone. They are borrowing it. You never say, ‘here is your phone.’”

Watch the Video 

And remember that the Wisephone is a great choice for a child's first phone. It will give them all the tools they need to stay in contact with you and get to where they need to go. Best of all, it doesn’t require any policing from you. It’s safe by design.

Frequently Asked Questions

Question: What is a smartphone agreement?

Answer: A smartphone agreement is a clear set of guidelines and shared expectations worked out between parents and their child when they’re given their first phone. To ensure healthy phone use and family trust, take the step to create a personalized agreement together. It's an important way to support your teen in learning that a smartphone is both a privilege and a responsibility.

Question: Does the agreement mean parents can check everything on the phone?

Answer: Yes, involvement is a key part of the agreement. While teenagers deserve some privacy, nothing is truly secret online. Parents may use monitoring software, know the passcode, and occasionally check the phone to keep their child safe rather than catch them out.

Question: Why is it important for the parent to own the phone rather than the child?

Answer: This means you can take back the phone any time it becomes an issue. The child is simply using a device you have given them permission to use. But they do not own it.